My close friend Shivaughn, is one of the most real, sarcastic, funny and insightful people I know. She moved to LA and recently became a mother to a gorgeous baby girl with her fiancé. Even after motherhood, she’s still fiery and up for challenges, just more protective of her space. We’ve had some hilarious and also scary adventures together and for some reason, those scary adventures revolved around being in a car.

Years ago Shivaughn, my other friend Weeza and I shared a cab ride home from a late night out. At the time we all lived in Brooklyn and luckily a cab picked us up in the rain. As we were driving over a bridge, we asked the driver to make 3 stops for each of us, since we all lived in close proximity. The driver said he would only make two stops, so we had to figure out the 2. I tried to reason with the driver and have him understand that it’s late and pouring rain, so we should each be dropped to our homes. Not caring he said no. That’s when Shivaughn jumped in and argued the driver down to the bone. She told him it was illegal to not drop us off since we were already in the car and I’m sure tons of explicit words were thrown around too. Once again the driver did not care and he argued back and forth with her and threatened to throw us out of the cab on the bridge. He even stopped the cab a couple times on the bridge and literally was going to kick us out. Weeza, not knowing what to say, kept quiet. I spoke to the driver again and asked him to not kick us out, at this point he was putting us all in danger. Finally, we reached destination #1, which was my house. I think told Shivaughn to get out and she could stay with me or catch a cab from my house, we lived closest to each other. Of course, she refused and told the driver to take her home. Weeza, unfortunately, was the one who had to take another cab home from Shivaughn’s stop. It felt like that was a nightmare, poor Weeza.

Although the cab driver was a bastard and that was a crazy night, Shivaughn stuck up for what she felt was wrong. Her method may have been extreme, but she has always remained unapologetically herself. Fast forward to current day and she is much calmer now that reflects her maturity and the different stage she is in her life, but at the core she is "The Shiv". She’s always willing to put herself out there no matter the response, extremely encouraging and supportive, but will "Knuck if you Buck" ( early 2000's Crime Mob song reference) if she feels herself or those around her are being disrespected. I admire her for her strength and tenacity, I’m working on adhering those things within myself. So thank you Shiv, for giving me an example of courage, of how to evolve from past situations and being the yang to my yin.

A throwback photo of us.

I met this woman the other day while I was volunteering for a non profit organization that empowers women to achieve economic independence by providing a network of support, professional attire and development tools to help them thrive. We will call this woman Jackie. Each time I volunteer which is on Monday's, I come away inspired by the women I work with and Jackie is one of the most impactful for me so far.

My volunteer supervisor asked me to step in and help Jackie. She told me she thought that Jackie might have a mental disability and due to my mainly calm demeanor and patience I’d be best to work with her. The moment I spoke with Jackie, I knew she didn't have a mental disability. She seemed to have a lot on her mind and possibly trouble focusing on things. I'm not a doctor, but I thought may be she was suffering from ADD or ADHD. Regardless, I was set on having a fun experience with her.

After the formal computer and career prep work she has to do as part of the program, we were able to dive into the wardrobe aspect. I had her try on items that, as she put it “would’ve never been looked at twice" by her. She immediately became comfortable with me and started opening up about how she dealt with low self esteem, body issues and lack of self love. She lost herself in meaningless things and kept sinking into a “black hole”. One day she re-watched a movie her mom watched often when she was a kid, the main character in the film was a woman of structure and tons of self assurance. The character projected her love of self to others she’d encounter so that they would know that no matter what, she loved herself to much to be bothered. Jackie did a reassessment of herself after watching this and she walked to the mirror and said, “I love you, you can be better than what you are now”. She continued to tell me that the weeks following she asked for help in finding a job, which led her to this organization. After hearing this I went all out and picked out about 6 outfits, coats, shoes, jewelry, all the essentials for her to begin her interview process the following day and style her for the first few days at the job once she obtained it.

At the end of my time with her, we went over the last steps of the process and I asked how she felt with everything we went through. At that moment, she became emotional and told me I helped to further instill her self esteem and made her feel beautiful inside and out. She couldn’t believe that just days ago she was sad, had to get rid of clothes and felt like she had nothing to give back to the world. So to come in and not just receive high quality/luxury clothing, but kindness and tools she could take with her on her journey. To think that all it took was for her to ask for help, she felt blessed. Jackie stated that she wanted someone to hear her story and actually listen to her and I was that for her.

After her kind words I became emotional too, I felt the opposite, she was my blessing. Listening to her saying that she had to pick herself up and ask for help, allowed me to see that I need to continue to work on being a better student of life. I can be prideful at times, but asking for help doesn’t make you weak, it takes a strong audacious nature to do so. We should all take away something from Jackie, which is to be more courageous, because who wants to continue to be the opposite? Let’s take that concept with us into 2018.

All we have to do is ask....