Help

I met this woman the other day while I was volunteering for a non profit organization that empowers women to achieve economic independence by providing a network of support, professional attire and development tools to help them thrive. We will call this woman Jackie. Each time I volunteer which is on Monday's, I come away inspired by the women I work with and Jackie is one of the most impactful for me so far. 

My volunteer supervisor asked me to step in and help Jackie. She told me she thought that Jackie might have a mental disability and due to my mainly calm demeanor and patience I’d be best to work with her. The moment I spoke with Jackie, I knew she didn't have a mental disability.  She seemed to have a lot on her mind and possibly trouble focusing on things. I'm not a doctor, but I thought may be she was suffering from ADD or ADHD. Regardless, I was set on having a fun experience with her.

After the formal computer and career prep work she has to do as part of the program, we were able to dive into the wardrobe aspect. I had her try on items that, as she put it “would’ve never been looked at twice" by her. She immediately became comfortable with me and started opening up about how she dealt with low self esteem, body issues and lack of self love. She lost herself in meaningless things and kept sinking into a “black hole”. One day she re-watched a movie her mom watched often when she was a kid, the main character in the film was a woman of structure and  tons of self assurance. The character projected her love of self to others she’d encounter so that they would know that no matter what, she loved herself to much to be bothered. Jackie did a reassessment of herself after watching this and she walked to the mirror and said, “I love you, you can be better than what you are now”.  She continued to tell me that the weeks following she asked for help in finding a job, which led her to this organization. After hearing this I went all out and picked out about 6 outfits, coats, shoes, jewelry, all the essentials for her to begin her interview process the following day and style her for the first few days at the job once she obtained it. 

At the end of my time with her, we went over the last steps of the process and I asked how she felt with everything we went through. At that moment, she became emotional and told me I helped to further instill her self esteem and made her feel beautiful inside and out. She couldn’t believe that just days ago she was sad, had to get rid of clothes and felt like she had nothing to give back to the world. So to come in and not just receive high quality/luxury clothing, but kindness and tools she could take with her on her journey. To think that all it took was for her to ask for help, she felt blessed. Jackie stated that she wanted someone to hear her story and actually listen to her and I was that for her.

After her kind words I became emotional too, I felt the opposite, she was my blessing. Listening to her saying that she had to pick herself up and ask for help, allowed me to see that I need to continue to work on being a better student of life. I can be prideful at times, but asking for help doesn’t make you weak, it takes a strong audacious nature to do so. We should all take away something from Jackie, which is to be more courageous, because who wants to continue to be the opposite? Let’s take that concept with us into 2018.

All we have to do is ask.... 

Heavy

Have any of you watched "13 Reasons Why" on Netflix? I'm sure a lot of you have.  It's a really telling story on how school bullying can turn into death by suicide. 

I can't speak from a space of knowing how it feels to know someone who has committed suicide, but I do know how it feels to be bullied and deal with heavy thoughts. Everyone probably has been bullied in their lives in some form or another. For me it took place from childhood to young adulthood in different stages and scopes.  When I was younger I was bullied for being overweight by kids in school and out of school. Kids laughed at me, made eating noises, wouldn't want to hang out with me in after school programs or summer camp. Adults were just as cruel and insulting when it came to my weight as well, they laughed and made jokes. During high school, I was told by my school counselor I wouldn't amount to much in life and certainly was not good enough to get into college, mind you I was the only black female in my graduating class.  A colleague once told me that people like me (young, black and tattooed) wouldn't be in high positions of a career, I became her boss soon after that comment.  I'm happy to say that I did not allow their words or actions to define me as a person.

Sometimes you don't want to talk out your emotions, you want to act out. Being the bully was not ever an avenue I wanted to take or I suggest to anyone else. I always wrote down my feelings and issues, this helped me see how the people being the bullies actually feel or felt about themselves. There weren't a lot of people I confided in about those things at the time because I thought no one would want to listen me. That wasn't true and I encourage everyone to talk to someone, cry to someone, write down your experiences, pray. Whatever is therapeutic to you and what will help. Whether it be from a family member, school mates, teachers, co-workers, whomever do not tolerate it.

You have to be the one to encourage yourself first. In the famous words of Eleanor Roosevelt "No one can make you feel inferior without your permission". I personally believe in this statement because, as hard as it may be, don't give your power of self to any one. Love yourself for all your weirdness and beautiful nature, because you are outstanding. Life will never be perfect, but while you have life, surround yourself with people who are true and encouraging. Trials and tribulations are everywhere we look, so take the lifelong journey to get to a good place within yourself.  Bullying and suicide are heavy issues to deal with, that in my opinion are just getting to the surface of the media within the past decade or so.  If you are being bullied, depressed and/or dealing with suicidal thoughts or know someone who is, I beg of you to please go to one of the following sites:

https://afsp.org/

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

 http://www.stompoutbullying.org/information-and-resources/about-bullying-and-cyberbullying/are-you-being-bullied

http://www.pacer.org/bullying/

 https://www.stopbullying.gov/

If you know of any more sites or numbers where people can get the help needed, please list below in the comments and share. All of the above are my personal thoughts, they do not reflect the pain or seriousness others may have had or are currently going through. I share to be encouraging because we are all in need of that and don't deserve judgment. Do you have a story on these issues you'd like to share? I'd love to hear from you.

Don't let the negativity absorb you, rise above and be great.