Hidden Traits

The other day my sister (in law), Kai and I were speaking on how people perceive us as extroverts when we are actually the opposite. She has an infectious personality that you always want to be around. She’s funny, smart and can act her ass off, so you can see why people flock to her.  But she’s a quiet person who prefers at times to be home watching a movie, visiting family or enjoying a fun night of karaoke with her friends. For me, I’ve always had jobs where I’ve had to shake hands and smile nonstop, as well as go out all the time and put on a wonderful front for all to see.  But I’d like to come clean right now and say: Hello, my name is Brooke and I am a hidden introvert. I use the term “hidden”,  because that is what I’ve had to be. I would mask how I really was because of what I was told is needed in order to succeed at my jobs. To be honest I’m a HUGE germophobe. I absolutely do not like shaking strangers hands or talking at an event where you can barely hear the other person, so they invade your personal space with breath that smells like their mouth has been closed for a week after they ate hot dogs. Gross right? Exactly.  Please don’t get me wrong, I am a social person, I just have to be in the mood to be that way.

As the youngest child and the only girl, I felt the need to be seen growing up. I genuinely wanted to be in the mix of things, sneaking in corners to hear the adult conversations or hanging out with my older brothers (when they’d let me). I always wanted to be with my brothers because 1. I thought they were the coolest (don’t let it get to your heads fellas) and 2. If they were doing something I wanted to be included. As I grew up this quality didn’t go away, I mean if I could have earned a degree in socializing, I’d have my Bachelors right now. I had a self-inflicted fear of being forgotten, so I made sure to put my “extrovert mask” on at all times and only took it off when I was by myself.

As individuals in life, we all have many masks that we wear to get through our days and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. The people that know who you truly are is all that matters. Your job is to make sure that no matter what to always be true to you. The masks are just the courage you might need in a situation, like a superhero costume. Superman puts that costume on and saves the world each time, but when he takes it off, he’s Clark Kent. The thing is he’s always Clark Kent. With or without the Superman costume he’s always the same person deep down, the costume just frees his innate abilities. So when you need a little more to get you through a situation, go in the mirror and power pose for two minutes and know that you are just as powerful without anything added. In what situations did you feel you the need for more courage?

I mean…I am talking about masks…how can I not use a Jim Carrey image? It’s still funny to me.

You good?

Have you ever worked within a space that your co-workers act as if you’re not on the same team? I’m sure most of you have experienced this or know someone who has. Unfortunately, its become a “norm” to expect this kind of behavior. Over the years I have learned to be passive with the rude and unwarranted conduct of others, but of course there are some that penetrate through. I’ve come a long way from shouting, cursing and standing up to make my point when treated this way...don’t judge me I was young. 

Not long ago I worked alongside a woman who initially greeted me with a hug and a smile upon my first day. That quickly changed by the fifth day, when a smile or look in my direction was nonexistent. I tried to think of what had changed...was my work not up to par? Nah, that wasn’t it, I know I’m great. Was I somehow offending her? Nah, that wasn’t it either. She stopped speaking to me directly with the exception of 5 or 6 times. Almost all of our communication was through a messaging system from the work email provider. This type of behavior went on until the day I stopped working with her- almost 6 months (life of a freelancer-thank God). Six months of one-way hostility.

I would think of how exhausting to must be to live in a space like that- all that energy that could be put elsewhere. It got to a point where she would send me emails to accuse me of not doing the work correctly cc’ing others or possibly bcc’ing (this is just a guess). Every single time she would make those accusations, my responses always proved her wrong. She assumed a lot and didn’t feel the need to further investigate if she was correct. So each time she would make herself look incompetent, which is ironic because that’s what she wanted for me. My final straw with her was when she sent yet another email with incorrect information and decided to try and chastise me- cc’ing the head of the department. I rebutted with facts laid out about how she must have the wrong information and stated all of the real facts in detail. She responded and took took off the head of the department on the chain, to apologize to me and suggest we work on a system that she can easily go off of. Sneaky right? Fully aware of her tricks I made sure to get the last word in and add the head of the department back to the email chain, so that they could see she was incorrect, once again. Sure that may be perceived as petty to some, but I refuse to have someone make me be out to be less than. I ended my email correspondence by telling her she needs a hug and offering to give her one, she clearly needed some positive energy.

I have not once understood the concept of putting others down to build yourself up. It doesn’t work and you can make yourself out to be a villian when there’s no need. You’ll not ever be high up enough that you can’t be knocked down, so be careful how you treat others. I don’t know what may have been going on in her life during that time, but it didn’t have anything to do with me. I do wish she would have spoken to me face to face as a woman, but when you’re a coward you hide. She seems to need some courage from the Wizard and a Super Soul Session with Oprah to figure out the source of her hostility. We can all continue to learn and do better and there’s nothing wrong with apologizing for behavior that we don’t want to represent us. Let’s have a moment of silence for all of the people we have come in contact with throughout our lives that need to sit down and have a coke and a smile.

Old ad, timeless saying.