Silence

I grew up loving noise. I appreciated the fact that I could block people out with music, books, tv and most of all with my thoughts. I have a gift of being able to think several full complex thoughts and scenarios out at once while someone is talking to me and still be able to comprehend what they are saying. I have the capability to be physically present even when I’m not mentally or spiritually and to snap back into the right moment fully aware of what they are speaking of. Some might not call it a gift and that’s okay because it’s not meant for you.  My brain is creative and unique and that’s just what it does. As I mentioned earlier this year in the story “Active Listening”, I’m getting better at just that.

I was speaking to a friend recently about being comfortable in the uncomfortable moments of life and how everyone deals with this same issue. Someone is always asking another, “How do you get through it?” Well, I wish I had a universal answer that would solve this hurdle for everyone, but I don’t and there’s no one on earth who does. If they say they do, they are lying. We all work through things differently and that’s what makes us like snowflakes, no two are alike.

I’ve been working on sitting in the silence and feeling my way through why I have always thought it awkward and uncomfortable. The conclusion is inconclusive because I am still under construction in this area. I can share that now I’m able to quiet my mind for seven whole minutes without stirring. That might sound minuscule, but when your mind is constantly churning and you average three to four solid sleep hours a night without waking up, it’s a huge accomplishment. And this is just the beginning.

I hope that whatever hurdles you are working to jump over in your daily lives, that you take it one step at a time and not compare your journey with anyone else’s. It’s okay to be uncomfortable as long as you’re finding a healthy way to break through it. Embrace the silence. In this crazy world, we all could use a break from the noise.

Finding silence through the noise.

You good?

Have you ever worked within a space that your co-workers act as if you’re not on the same team? I’m sure most of you have experienced this or know someone who has. Unfortunately, its become a “norm” to expect this kind of behavior. Over the years I have learned to be passive with the rude and unwarranted conduct of others, but of course there are some that penetrate through. I’ve come a long way from shouting, cursing and standing up to make my point when treated this way...don’t judge me I was young. 

Not long ago I worked alongside a woman who initially greeted me with a hug and a smile upon my first day. That quickly changed by the fifth day, when a smile or look in my direction was nonexistent. I tried to think of what had changed...was my work not up to par? Nah, that wasn’t it, I know I’m great. Was I somehow offending her? Nah, that wasn’t it either. She stopped speaking to me directly with the exception of 5 or 6 times. Almost all of our communication was through a messaging system from the work email provider. This type of behavior went on until the day I stopped working with her- almost 6 months (life of a freelancer-thank God). Six months of one-way hostility.

I would think of how exhausting to must be to live in a space like that- all that energy that could be put elsewhere. It got to a point where she would send me emails to accuse me of not doing the work correctly cc’ing others or possibly bcc’ing (this is just a guess). Every single time she would make those accusations, my responses always proved her wrong. She assumed a lot and didn’t feel the need to further investigate if she was correct. So each time she would make herself look incompetent, which is ironic because that’s what she wanted for me. My final straw with her was when she sent yet another email with incorrect information and decided to try and chastise me- cc’ing the head of the department. I rebutted with facts laid out about how she must have the wrong information and stated all of the real facts in detail. She responded and took took off the head of the department on the chain, to apologize to me and suggest we work on a system that she can easily go off of. Sneaky right? Fully aware of her tricks I made sure to get the last word in and add the head of the department back to the email chain, so that they could see she was incorrect, once again. Sure that may be perceived as petty to some, but I refuse to have someone make me be out to be less than. I ended my email correspondence by telling her she needs a hug and offering to give her one, she clearly needed some positive energy.

I have not once understood the concept of putting others down to build yourself up. It doesn’t work and you can make yourself out to be a villian when there’s no need. You’ll not ever be high up enough that you can’t be knocked down, so be careful how you treat others. I don’t know what may have been going on in her life during that time, but it didn’t have anything to do with me. I do wish she would have spoken to me face to face as a woman, but when you’re a coward you hide. She seems to need some courage from the Wizard and a Super Soul Session with Oprah to figure out the source of her hostility. We can all continue to learn and do better and there’s nothing wrong with apologizing for behavior that we don’t want to represent us. Let’s have a moment of silence for all of the people we have come in contact with throughout our lives that need to sit down and have a coke and a smile.

Old ad, timeless saying.