What's Feeding You?

It’s important that we watch and see things in life that will impact our spirit on an elevated level. It’s true that what you see and listen to impact our psyche. But we all have our guilty pleasures right? Don’t judge me, I watch a few of The Real Housewives branches and laugh at the buffoonery of these women and men doing obscene things and acting ridiculous. Yes, I can do better by not watching it and there’s no “ifs, ands, or buts” about it- no excuses, just facts. I also read a really good (to me) book every two weeks, watch documentaries, comedies, news, etc. (ya’ll don’t need to know my TV history list, but you get it). It’s a balance that I’m working on.

The reason I'm bringing up this topic of visual and audible stimulation is, the other day I was on the subway (in NYC) around 8:30 am. It was crowded as per usual at that time, but not overly so. Across from me sat a man with a large baby stroller- which held an infant girl inside, a woman (I’ll call her woman #1) and an appx. 7 year old boy were next to him. They seemed to be an average family going about their day. The subway decided to go “morning express”- meaning it skips 8 stops in between the next major one. I personally loved this and did a little shimmy in my seat, but the family across from me were unprepared for the switch up. They rushed off the train not looking or excusing themselves to any one in their path from the seat to the door. Another woman (I’ll call her woman # 2) who was standing by the door, was almost knocked to her feet- thankfully someone caught her before that happened. I found out later that she had the volume in her headphones turned up loud and didn’t hear anything. Unfortunately the train was being held at the station for a few moments, and the doors were still open. Woman #2 decided to scream and curse loudly at the couple, who were now on the platform getting themselves together. Woman #1 shouted back and they had a huge shouting match (basic angry playground language), until the man from the couple stepped in. He got in woman #2’s face and threatened to beat her down; drag her out of the subway and screamed racial slurs at her. Woman #2 screamed back to him that she would get her brothers to fight him; how dare he threaten her; he’s disgusting; etc., etc. By this time, an older gentleman stepped in front of woman #2 to protect her, because the other man was really close to her face. Mind you woman #1 wasn’t trying to calm the situation down. She was letting the cookies crumble where they may. And boy did those cookies crumble. Their shouting match further escalated to the point that when the older gentleman was trying to move woman #2 further into the train so that she would be safe, the man SPIT on woman #2…yes ladies and gents…SPIT. The older gentleman turns and tells the man about himself and how disrespectful the whole display between them was. He also let him know that he should be ashamed to even get so worked up that his ego had to show off in that way in front of his woman and his young children. The older gentleman turned to woman #2 and told her about her actions as well, and how horrible her words were to woman #1 and the man. Woman #1 finally stepped up and took the man’s arm and told him “let’s just go”, as if a lightbulb in her head went off that their conduct was disgusting. During this entire display of anger and misplaced energy, the infant girl was screaming her head off and the 7 year old boy was staring dumbfounded at his parents and woman #2. By God’s grace the subway doors closed moments after the older gentleman was speaking to woman #2. The ride then went on as if the past 8 minutes never happened, but what I saw stayed with me for most of that day. I couldn’t shake how something that could have been easily resolved by saying “excuse me, I’m sorry.” from woman #1 to woman #2, intensified into a screaming battle from all three people and a gross saliva throw onto woman #2. I tried to put myself in that little 7 year old boy’s place, seeing his parents act so audaciously and disgusting, hearing the words that were said from all parties. These are the things that are shaping his mind. They were showing him an example of how they feel is a proper reaction to this sort of situation. I then thought of what else this little boy has seen and heard from his parents and the adults they surround themselves with. He will forever be impacted by that moment and obviously I don’t know for sure, but I bet he did not bring it up and ask questions about it after.

I’m not here to pass judgment on any one, but I am here to urge us all to do and be better than we were yesterday. You are what you eat and you also are what you watch and listen to. With that said I’d like to ask what have you seen and heard that has impacted you both in either a good and bad way? Who are you surrounded by? What are you turning your screens on to? What’s in your coming up and recently played list on your streaming services (Netflix, YouTube, Spotify, Hulu, Apple TV, Amazon, etc.)? I’d love to know and if there’s anything that makes you uncomfortable to share, I’d be interested to know why.

We’re surrounded by visual and audible stimuli, how is that feeding our minds?

Active Listening

The art of listening is work. It needs to be nurtured and honed by the people engaging in the activity. At times we all have not given our full attention to those we have conversations with, whether it be a family member, friend, co-worker, your mail person, etc. For me, this is something I’ve had to consciously work on for years and still it’s a work in progress, not because I don’t care what’s coming out of the mouth of whom is in conversation with me, but because my mind is busy. I can be in the middle of conversing with someone and have 20 other thoughts in the midst of it. Some of it is nonsense like, “do I need to get more apples from the store?” or it could be a worthwhile thought “(insert friend name) is really good at design, maybe xyz can use their services to work on their website layout.” Honestly random thoughts pop in and out and I have a hard time just kicking them away, but like I said it’s a work in progress and I’ve gotten much better- yoga and meditation are constants.

One thing I can say for myself is that I do not “fake listen” aka saying “mmm” or “ok, wow” to someone while they are speaking just to pretend I’m all there. Ok ok, I’ve done it a few times, only because I wasn’t a fan of the person talking. But overall it’s not good to do this. Neither is a person asking you a question and then answering it for you before you open your mouth. For instance “Hey, how’s it going, good?”, mind you the other person didn’t even have the opportunity to answer and now may feel obliged to agree it’s going good when it actually may not be how they feel- give them a beat. We must be patient enough to wait a few seconds for the other person to answer because if you don’t it comes off as if you don’t care or have the capacity to listen to their response- since you already answered it for them.

So, as we are in the early days of 2019, let’s retire “fake listening” and “automated responses” and work on being more present in the present. Put your phone down, look into the persons eyes or face (if you have a hard time with eye contact), stop scrolling if it’s a phone conversation and be conscious of the thoughts that come into your mind. Don’t get angry at these thoughts, just kindly push them aside for the moment. There are many aspects of ourselves that will be in workshop for the rest of our lives, the least we can do is take each opportunity given to be better than the last. In what ways will you be practicing active listening? Also, what are some of the thoughts that pop into your head? Share and let’s discuss, I promise I’ll be in the moment of listening.

Enough said...