I use to say yes to everything. I was afraid people wouldn’t like me if I didn’t. It was important at the time to want to be liked and asked for things. You need me to do a marketing presentation for you to present to your job with my ideas that you’ll pass as your own? Sure. You need me to take time out of my day to think of venues and give you connects before the end of your day? I got it. You’d like me to get you into events or better yet find you a job? Umm, ok I’d be happy to. It literally got to a point where I’d stress myself out over the pressure I’d put on myself from doing all these “favors”. I allowed people to take advantage of me, take my kindness and run with it. I mean what am I, a masochist? Why would I do this to myself? But that was back then and this is now.
The most interesting thing was all of the “favor askers” would usually start a convo with: “hey how are you? Would you be able to”...or not even a greeting or pretending to care to ask about my well being, they'd jump right into whatever they needed. Rashawn once told me, just say “no”. What? No? What does that mean? What would people think if I said no? They’d hate me. They’d throw stones at me. But I was tired of complaining to her or Orande about it, so one day I said no. And guess what? The world didn’t end. Then I got “no” happy. I’d say no to everything. No, I’m not going to spend my day helping you move. No, I’m not going to connect you with an old boss I had from 15 years ago that I haven’t spoken to. No, I’m not going to meet you two hours out of my way because it’s better for you. No is one of the best words in vocabulary. So simple. Two letters. I began to care less and less of who is mad that I said it too. Saying no eliminated them from my life and it’s been easy like Sunday morning since.
Don’t get me wrong, balance is necessary in life, I still say yes, but only to those that actually love and care for me. I have grown to realize who is here for me just because I am me and not for what I can do for them. I didn’t know my worth then, but I learned. I’m sharing all of this with you because I’d like to be an example of the rabbit hole you might go down if you are out here surrounded by parasites without bug spray. Protect your energy and who you give it to. Qilah and Orande both told me the same phrase relating to these issues and it was: “who cares, f#*% ‘em”. You won’t have to think long on who these bugs are in your life, they make themselves known. Just make sure you are armed and ready to stomp them out.
Doctor Seuss always comes through with a message. Stay armed and crush those bugs.