I use to say yes to everything. I was afraid people wouldn’t like me if I didn’t. It was important at the time to want to be liked and asked for things. You need me to do a marketing presentation for you to present to your job with my ideas that you’ll pass as your own? Sure. You need me to take time out of my day to think of venues and give you connects before the end of your day? I got it. You’d like me to get you into events or better yet find you a job? Umm, ok I’d be happy to. It literally got to a point where I’d stress myself out over the pressure I’d put on myself from doing all these “favors”. I allowed people to take advantage of me, take my kindness and run with it. I mean what am I, a masochist? Why would I do this to myself? But that was back then and this is now.

The most interesting thing was all of the “favor askers” would usually start a convo with: “hey how are you? Would you be able to”...or not even a greeting or pretending to care to ask about my well being, they'd jump right into whatever they needed. Rashawn once told me, just say “no”. What? No? What does that mean? What would people think if I said no? They’d hate me. They’d throw stones at me. But I was tired of complaining to her or Orande about it, so one day I said no. And guess what? The world didn’t end. Then I got “no” happy. I’d say no to everything. No, I’m not going to spend my day helping you move. No, I’m not going to connect you with an old boss I had from 15 years ago that I haven’t spoken to. No, I’m not going to meet you two hours out of my way because it’s better for you. No is one of the best words in vocabulary. So simple. Two letters. I began to care less and less of who is mad that I said it too. Saying no eliminated them from my life and it’s been easy like Sunday morning since.

Don’t get me wrong, balance is necessary in life, I still say yes, but only to those that actually love and care for me. I have grown to realize who is here for me just because I am me and not for what I can do for them. I didn’t know my worth then, but I learned. I’m sharing all of this with you because I’d like to be an example of the rabbit hole you might go down if you are out here surrounded by parasites without bug spray. Protect your energy and who you give it to. Qilah and Orande both told me the same phrase relating to these issues and it was: “who cares, f#*% ‘em”. You won’t have to think long on who these bugs are in your life, they make themselves known. Just make sure you are armed and ready to stomp them out.

Doctor Seuss always comes through with a message. Stay armed and crush those bugs.

It’s been a little over a week since I logged off all social media. I only use Instagram and Pinterest, I have rarely gone on Facebook since last year. This didn’t start as some sort of experiment, but it has become one inadvertently. Originally I did it because I was tired of how much I constantly check and scroll on Instagram- I was basically a zombie just flipping through pictures and double tapping the image. You don’t realize how much of a distraction it is in your daily life until you stop. Once I logged off I immediately felt relief, there was no more pressure for me to post something (mind you I’m the one who’s putting that on myself). I come from a career in marketing (10+ years), so I know and understand the world we live in and how important social media is for our voices to be heard and to promote ourselves. I get it, I don’t care as much, but I get it.

Don’t get it twisted I love to post pictures or video of my friends, loved ones or a fun adventure because they are special to me and I want to share. I just don’t do it for the double tap. For me, there are images that have received 20 and then there are those with over 200. It’s funny to see what gets what, as in what others deem as “cool” or skip over because they feel it doesn’t deserve their endorsement. As if any persons validation should be important enough for you to become a feen for a “like”. But there are those that crave it, they “do it for the gram” and it’s only good for them when they see how many approve of it. I know quite a few people that do this and it makes me sad for them, I want to break their chains from the stronghold they have over themselves.

I will log back on this week, mainly because some friends and I are on a group DM (direct message- for anyone who is not familiar). We literally talk all day every day about politics, funny memes, crazy videos we see, calling out each other, promoting what we have currently going on, etc. So in a way, I have felt disconnected from life in that sense. Of course, I talk to them outside of social media, but some are more likely to check a DM than a text because that’s the culture we are in.

I have used the collective time sans social media to read, whether it’s a book or the news or information about something of interest. It’s interesting to see how much time logging on and scrolling can take out of your life, instead of spending time in the present. I need to continue to take my own advice, but it’s hard when it has become habitual. I love to take pictures or video so that won’t stop, but I know that I don’t need to be so quick to post and constantly look to see how many people liked it. If I like it, that’s enough and what others choose to deem worthy of their “likes” should not be my concern. So the question remains with me: did my experiment cleanse my self-inflicted social paranoia? In a way, yes. I no longer feel the need to log on, but I will because there are things I need to publicize and I want to support those who support me by promoting their stuff too. Social media as we all know is a gift and a curse, but we learn (or will learn) that once you have love for yourself you no longer need likes.

With just one click, it owns you and you become a slave to it.