laugh

A Cheesy Fate

I was told a story a few weeks back about the lengths a girl went to catch a mouse in her apartment. Her roommate had called to let her know that she saw one in their kitchen. After she got off the phone she completely panicked. Immediately, she went online to search for an exterminator and found one that would come the next day. When the exterminator arrived they asked if it was a definite that the mouse would be caught, of course, he could not be certain, but he assured them that he put down the best mouse traps he had. Now I don’t know if the mouse was ever caught, but I do know they paid way too much for someone to come and put down the generic sticky mouse traps you can find in the dollar store. For all that they went through I hope it was caught. 

After hearing her story, I laughed to myself and said I know of a good method they could try themselves if this happens again. I told her mice don’t only like pieces of cheese, peanut butter or whatever else exterminators or stores put on the the traps- they also like Doritos. Not all Doritos, but the nacho cheese ones. How do I know this? Well one day Orande had a $.25 bag on the table, walked away for a few leaving the bag in plain sight and when he came back into the room it was ripped open. The little shit ate his Doritos! So he came up with an idea of how to catch him, he put what was left of that tiny bag of chips onto little traps in certain corners of our apartment to catch him. I thought this was hilarious, but also genius. That little mouse is clever and it taunted me often by only appearing when I was in the house by myself- he had an agenda. But we don’t keep snacks in the house (outside of almonds and fruit) or leave food out, so the one time that bag of Doritos was there, he jumped at the prime snacking opportunity. Little did he know that his greed was going to be his demise. Not long after those chips were laid on the traps, I had went to get something out of a room and heard a squeaking noise but didn’t know what it was. I lifted up a bag full of hats and behind it in the crevice was that tiny mouse stuck on the trap and the Dorito chip was gone- meaning his ass thought he was getting a mid-day snack when he was actually meeting his doom. I screamed and ran into another room, told Orande who went and scooped up the mouse in a bag and got rid of it. 

Moral of the story is, if you ever have a mouse in your house, don’t spend a lot of money on an exterminator or fancy traps- go to the store, get a bag of nacho Doritos (they might be uppity, so stick to the name brand), place it on a cheap sticky trap, and be patient until it decides to go for a cheesy snack. Now what you choose to do with it after, whether let it go outside or the other unfortunate fate is your choice, no judgement here. We also live in NYC, and with old buildings built on older foundations or even new buildings built on old foundations, it happens sporadically. But remember: they are smart, but you hold all the chips (pun intended).

This didn’t even work on Jerry in the cartoons, you really think this is going to work on a city mouse? Get clever.

This didn’t even work on Jerry in the cartoons, you really think this is going to work on a city mouse? Get clever.

Makeup Demon

Let me set the scene: it’s an early weekday afternoon at a Sephora on the Upper West Side of Manhattan. I’m dressed casually in a black leather hat, my glasses, a hoodie, some sneakers and only eyeliner. Of course I know the deal of going to Sephora with little to no makeup is a set up waiting to happen. Nevertheless, I just needed to replace my under eye concealer and that’s it.

Knowing the concealer I usually get, I wanted to ask an associate for another suggestion.  That associate or "cast member", as I believe they are called, lead me to an older African American woman co-worker we’ll call her Tess. Tess asked me about 6 times in disbelief about the concealer I was using and how many years I've been using it. She proceeds to show me two others, one that is literally the color of my palm and the other that was actually on tone. Opting for one that reflects my actual complexion, as if she was testing me, she nods in approval. You’d think it’d end there...of course not. Tess asks in probably her shadiest tone when will I graduate to foundation and eyebrows, etc? I give her a snarky smirk and say “maybe when I’m your age I'll need it”. I honestly believe she liked our shady banter. Again, you’d think it’d end there...it doesn’t. Tess goes on to ask what kind of eyeliner do I use, stating that she can do my lines better? I respond with, "Nah, I'm good. I came for the concealer and I threw on this eyeliner so I wouldn’t look like I just came from the gym" aka your getting your commission, now leave me alone.  During checkout, the cashier asks if anyone helped me and Tess happens to be behind her so I let her know. The cashier gives a snort and responds with, “oh Tess helped you? Ha! I’m sure that was an experience”. I laugh and tell her she definitely can use a customer service workshop. 

As I left with my purchase I scrambled for my phone and immediately called one my best friends, Aqila aka Qilah. I tell her the whole story in full detail. We both laugh and Qilah responds with “who the hell does that?! She gets commission, so the unsolicited questions and info she decided to share weren’t necessary. Lucky it wasn’t me, I wouldn’t have been as nice, no one should do that.” Laughing and hearing her say that made me miss my friend even more. She lives in ATL now, so I don’t get to see her as often as I would like. Qilah has always been my sister since I’ve known her, she's my family through and through. We don’t have to be on the phone for hours or see each other often, but knowing you have a friend you can call for stupid rants or in depth life conversations are the ones you want to hold on to.

Don't ever feel like you have to wear make up or let any one ever tell you what you need to make yourself look "more beautiful" or "trend acceptable". Makeup is an enhancement of your natural state. You shouldn't be wiping off your entire face at night and becoming a different person. Also, get yourself a friend like Qilah and stay away from makeup demons like Tess.

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Not the store I went into, but you get it.