Confidence

Tools

Do you believe you have all the tools needed within you to win at life? I do.  I believe we all are born with everything we need, but we have to possess the thought process of knowing this.  A dream deferred is just that, deferred. It’s not gone, you may just have to take a different route to get there. Or maybe your dream is not your purpose but the steps you take to reach that dream is the pathway to your purpose.

Depression, self-resentment, etc. have caused me to throw a pity party for a large portion of my life up until a few months ago. I literally woke up one day and said “enough, I’ve had enough”. I had prayed and asked for answers but never listening to the answers given. I was continuously blocking my blessings because I couldn’t get out of my own way, my own emotions of self doubt. That morning when I said enough, it was as if I was given a new outlook. Of course those self deprecating thoughts will try and sneak in, but I am able to mentally toss them aside and say those aren’t for me any longer. I’ve prayed differently since then, instead of selfish prayers (as I call them), I pray for insight and the ability to see and listen to what He is showing and telling me.  I learned to set my attention on my intentions.

When I was a child I wanted to be a singer, I even went to college for a bit and majored in voice. That was not my path,  but I had always wrote songs, poems and stories, not realizing the footprints I was creating for my life.  I believe if I hadn't taken the long route and thought my childhood dream of being a singer was all I was meant to be,  I wouldn’t have eventually discovered my purpose of writing.

I say this a lot but, no matter if no one else believes in you, you have to believe in yourself. Be the best version of yourself, where you become what you want to see in the world and live in a space of gratitude. By gratitude I don’t mean saying please and thank you all the time to people, although you should, but noticing things and saying it out loud. For example when you notice love by a mom holding their child’s hand crossing the street, speak it out loud or internally, “thank you for showing me love”. You’ll notice that your gratuitous attitude brings lots of positivity to you, at least that’s what I’m learning. Everyone’s experience will be different but, what’s the harm in trying it out.

I hope your holiday time with friends, family and yourself has been beautiful and that your 2018 is blessed with everything that you never expected but have manifested. Cheers to us all!

I'll end this post with the infamous poem by Langston Hughes.

Harlem

BY LANGSTON HUGHES

What happens to a dream deferred?

      Does it dry up

      like a raisin in the sun?

      Or fester like a sore—

      And then run?

      Does it stink like rotten meat?

      Or crust and sugar over—

      like a syrupy sweet?

      Maybe it just sags

      like a heavy load.

      Or does it explode?

Heavy

Have any of you watched "13 Reasons Why" on Netflix? I'm sure a lot of you have.  It's a really telling story on how school bullying can turn into death by suicide. 

I can't speak from a space of knowing how it feels to know someone who has committed suicide, but I do know how it feels to be bullied and deal with heavy thoughts. Everyone probably has been bullied in their lives in some form or another. For me it took place from childhood to young adulthood in different stages and scopes.  When I was younger I was bullied for being overweight by kids in school and out of school. Kids laughed at me, made eating noises, wouldn't want to hang out with me in after school programs or summer camp. Adults were just as cruel and insulting when it came to my weight as well, they laughed and made jokes. During high school, I was told by my school counselor I wouldn't amount to much in life and certainly was not good enough to get into college, mind you I was the only black female in my graduating class.  A colleague once told me that people like me (young, black and tattooed) wouldn't be in high positions of a career, I became her boss soon after that comment.  I'm happy to say that I did not allow their words or actions to define me as a person.

Sometimes you don't want to talk out your emotions, you want to act out. Being the bully was not ever an avenue I wanted to take or I suggest to anyone else. I always wrote down my feelings and issues, this helped me see how the people being the bullies actually feel or felt about themselves. There weren't a lot of people I confided in about those things at the time because I thought no one would want to listen me. That wasn't true and I encourage everyone to talk to someone, cry to someone, write down your experiences, pray. Whatever is therapeutic to you and what will help. Whether it be from a family member, school mates, teachers, co-workers, whomever do not tolerate it.

You have to be the one to encourage yourself first. In the famous words of Eleanor Roosevelt "No one can make you feel inferior without your permission". I personally believe in this statement because, as hard as it may be, don't give your power of self to any one. Love yourself for all your weirdness and beautiful nature, because you are outstanding. Life will never be perfect, but while you have life, surround yourself with people who are true and encouraging. Trials and tribulations are everywhere we look, so take the lifelong journey to get to a good place within yourself.  Bullying and suicide are heavy issues to deal with, that in my opinion are just getting to the surface of the media within the past decade or so.  If you are being bullied, depressed and/or dealing with suicidal thoughts or know someone who is, I beg of you to please go to one of the following sites:

https://afsp.org/

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

 http://www.stompoutbullying.org/information-and-resources/about-bullying-and-cyberbullying/are-you-being-bullied

http://www.pacer.org/bullying/

 https://www.stopbullying.gov/

If you know of any more sites or numbers where people can get the help needed, please list below in the comments and share. All of the above are my personal thoughts, they do not reflect the pain or seriousness others may have had or are currently going through. I share to be encouraging because we are all in need of that and don't deserve judgment. Do you have a story on these issues you'd like to share? I'd love to hear from you.

Don't let the negativity absorb you, rise above and be great.

Don't let the negativity absorb you, rise above and be great.