Silence

I grew up loving noise. I appreciated the fact that I could block people out with music, books, tv and most of all with my thoughts. I have a gift of being able to think several full complex thoughts and scenarios out at once while someone is talking to me and still be able to comprehend what they are saying. I have the capability to be physically present even when I’m not mentally or spiritually and to snap back into the right moment fully aware of what they are speaking of. Some might not call it a gift and that’s okay because it’s not meant for you.  My brain is creative and unique and that’s just what it does. As I mentioned earlier this year in the story “Active Listening”, I’m getting better at just that.

I was speaking to a friend recently about being comfortable in the uncomfortable moments of life and how everyone deals with this same issue. Someone is always asking another, “How do you get through it?” Well, I wish I had a universal answer that would solve this hurdle for everyone, but I don’t and there’s no one on earth who does. If they say they do, they are lying. We all work through things differently and that’s what makes us like snowflakes, no two are alike.

I’ve been working on sitting in the silence and feeling my way through why I have always thought it awkward and uncomfortable. The conclusion is inconclusive because I am still under construction in this area. I can share that now I’m able to quiet my mind for seven whole minutes without stirring. That might sound minuscule, but when your mind is constantly churning and you average three to four solid sleep hours a night without waking up, it’s a huge accomplishment. And this is just the beginning.

I hope that whatever hurdles you are working to jump over in your daily lives, that you take it one step at a time and not compare your journey with anyone else’s. It’s okay to be uncomfortable as long as you’re finding a healthy way to break through it. Embrace the silence. In this crazy world, we all could use a break from the noise.

Finding silence through the noise.

Active Listening

The art of listening is work. It needs to be nurtured and honed by the people engaging in the activity. At times we all have not given our full attention to those we have conversations with, whether it be a family member, friend, co-worker, your mail person, etc. For me, this is something I’ve had to consciously work on for years and still it’s a work in progress, not because I don’t care what’s coming out of the mouth of whom is in conversation with me, but because my mind is busy. I can be in the middle of conversing with someone and have 20 other thoughts in the midst of it. Some of it is nonsense like, “do I need to get more apples from the store?” or it could be a worthwhile thought “(insert friend name) is really good at design, maybe xyz can use their services to work on their website layout.” Honestly random thoughts pop in and out and I have a hard time just kicking them away, but like I said it’s a work in progress and I’ve gotten much better- yoga and meditation are constants.

One thing I can say for myself is that I do not “fake listen” aka saying “mmm” or “ok, wow” to someone while they are speaking just to pretend I’m all there. Ok ok, I’ve done it a few times, only because I wasn’t a fan of the person talking. But overall it’s not good to do this. Neither is a person asking you a question and then answering it for you before you open your mouth. For instance “Hey, how’s it going, good?”, mind you the other person didn’t even have the opportunity to answer and now may feel obliged to agree it’s going good when it actually may not be how they feel- give them a beat. We must be patient enough to wait a few seconds for the other person to answer because if you don’t it comes off as if you don’t care or have the capacity to listen to their response- since you already answered it for them.

So, as we are in the early days of 2019, let’s retire “fake listening” and “automated responses” and work on being more present in the present. Put your phone down, look into the persons eyes or face (if you have a hard time with eye contact), stop scrolling if it’s a phone conversation and be conscious of the thoughts that come into your mind. Don’t get angry at these thoughts, just kindly push them aside for the moment. There are many aspects of ourselves that will be in workshop for the rest of our lives, the least we can do is take each opportunity given to be better than the last. In what ways will you be practicing active listening? Also, what are some of the thoughts that pop into your head? Share and let’s discuss, I promise I’ll be in the moment of listening.

Enough said...