The art of listening is work. It needs to be nurtured and honed by the people engaging in the activity. At times we all have not given our full attention to those we have conversations with, whether it be a family member, friend, co-worker, your mail person, etc. For me, this is something I’ve had to consciously work on for years and still it’s a work in progress, not because I don’t care what’s coming out of the mouth of whom is in conversation with me, but because my mind is busy. I can be in the middle of conversing with someone and have 20 other thoughts in the midst of it. Some of it is nonsense like, “do I need to get more apples from the store?” or it could be a worthwhile thought “(insert friend name) is really good at design, maybe xyz can use their services to work on their website layout.” Honestly random thoughts pop in and out and I have a hard time just kicking them away, but like I said it’s a work in progress and I’ve gotten much better- yoga and meditation are constants.
One thing I can say for myself is that I do not “fake listen” aka saying “mmm” or “ok, wow” to someone while they are speaking just to pretend I’m all there. Ok ok, I’ve done it a few times, only because I wasn’t a fan of the person talking. But overall it’s not good to do this. Neither is a person asking you a question and then answering it for you before you open your mouth. For instance “Hey, how’s it going, good?”, mind you the other person didn’t even have the opportunity to answer and now may feel obliged to agree it’s going good when it actually may not be how they feel- give them a beat. We must be patient enough to wait a few seconds for the other person to answer because if you don’t it comes off as if you don’t care or have the capacity to listen to their response- since you already answered it for them.
So, as we are in the early days of 2019, let’s retire “fake listening” and “automated responses” and work on being more present in the present. Put your phone down, look into the persons eyes or face (if you have a hard time with eye contact), stop scrolling if it’s a phone conversation and be conscious of the thoughts that come into your mind. Don’t get angry at these thoughts, just kindly push them aside for the moment. There are many aspects of ourselves that will be in workshop for the rest of our lives, the least we can do is take each opportunity given to be better than the last. In what ways will you be practicing active listening? Also, what are some of the thoughts that pop into your head? Share and let’s discuss, I promise I’ll be in the moment of listening.
Enough said...