Silence

I grew up loving noise. I appreciated the fact that I could block people out with music, books, tv and most of all with my thoughts. I have a gift of being able to think several full complex thoughts and scenarios out at once while someone is talking to me and still be able to comprehend what they are saying. I have the capability to be physically present even when I’m not mentally or spiritually and to snap back into the right moment fully aware of what they are speaking of. Some might not call it a gift and that’s okay because it’s not meant for you.  My brain is creative and unique and that’s just what it does. As I mentioned earlier this year in the story “Active Listening”, I’m getting better at just that.

I was speaking to a friend recently about being comfortable in the uncomfortable moments of life and how everyone deals with this same issue. Someone is always asking another, “How do you get through it?” Well, I wish I had a universal answer that would solve this hurdle for everyone, but I don’t and there’s no one on earth who does. If they say they do, they are lying. We all work through things differently and that’s what makes us like snowflakes, no two are alike.

I’ve been working on sitting in the silence and feeling my way through why I have always thought it awkward and uncomfortable. The conclusion is inconclusive because I am still under construction in this area. I can share that now I’m able to quiet my mind for seven whole minutes without stirring. That might sound minuscule, but when your mind is constantly churning and you average three to four solid sleep hours a night without waking up, it’s a huge accomplishment. And this is just the beginning.

I hope that whatever hurdles you are working to jump over in your daily lives, that you take it one step at a time and not compare your journey with anyone else’s. It’s okay to be uncomfortable as long as you’re finding a healthy way to break through it. Embrace the silence. In this crazy world, we all could use a break from the noise.

Finding silence through the noise.

The Art of Saying No and Not Caring

I use to say yes to everything. I was afraid people wouldn’t like me if I didn’t. It was important at the time to want to be liked and asked for things. You need me to do a marketing presentation for you to present to your job with my ideas that you’ll pass as your own? Sure. You need me to take time out of my day to think of venues and give you connects before the end of your day? I got it. You’d like me to get you into events or better yet find you a job? Umm, ok I’d be happy to. It literally got to a point where I’d stress myself out over the pressure I’d put on myself from doing all these “favors”. I allowed people to take advantage of me, take my kindness and run with it. I mean what am I, a masochist? Why would I do this to myself? But that was back then and this is now.

The most interesting thing was all of the “favor askers” would usually start a convo with: “hey how are you? Would you be able to”...or not even a greeting or pretending to care to ask about my well being, they'd jump right into whatever they needed. Rashawn once told me, just say “no”. What? No? What does that mean? What would people think if I said no? They’d hate me. They’d throw stones at me. But I was tired of complaining to her or Orande about it, so one day I said no. And guess what? The world didn’t end. Then I got “no” happy. I’d say no to everything. No, I’m not going to spend my day helping you move. No, I’m not going to connect you with an old boss I had from 15 years ago that I haven’t spoken to. No, I’m not going to meet you two hours out of my way because it’s better for you. No is one of the best words in vocabulary. So simple. Two letters. I began to care less and less of who is mad that I said it too. Saying no eliminated them from my life and it’s been easy like Sunday morning since.

Don’t get me wrong, balance is necessary in life, I still say yes, but only to those that actually love and care for me. I have grown to realize who is here for me just because I am me and not for what I can do for them. I didn’t know my worth then, but I learned. I’m sharing all of this with you because I’d like to be an example of the rabbit hole you might go down if you are out here surrounded by parasites without bug spray. Protect your energy and who you give it to. Qilah and Orande both told me the same phrase relating to these issues and it was: “who cares, f#*% ‘em”. You won’t have to think long on who these bugs are in your life, they make themselves known. Just make sure you are armed and ready to stomp them out.

Doctor Seuss always comes through with a message. Stay armed and crush those bugs.